Corpse Party

Friday, September 9, 2011

Square Enix registers Final Fantasy XIII-3 Domain?!

AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH SERIOUSLY I HAVEN'T LAUGHED SO HARD IN AGES! REALLY, NONE OF THAT COMPANY'S MANY FAILURES THESE PAST YEARS MADE ME LOSE MY MIND LIKE THIS! I'M STILL LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC WHENEVER IT CROSSES MY MIND XDDDDDD

Okay, so they registered another domain. finalfantasyxiii-3.com.
XIII-2 isn't even out yet (and looks still like crap) and XIII was a disaster in terms of reviews.

Versus XIII is not even close to release with very, very little information ever getting published, which mostly states how they changed plans on something again, blablablanomurahasfunlivinghiswetdream.

Now now, XIII-2 is so brilliant, a real highlight of the series. It has cities. It seemingly is going to have stores (one can only hope) and you can TALK TO NPCs WHICH THEN SPEAK THEIR TWO LINES OF TEXT! OH MY GOD! THIS IS SO NEW!!!
Aside from that, we get "world is doomed, future guy comes back" time paradox bullshit. Last guy on the planet? Noel, right, you're the last motherfucking unicorn, I know, but you still are damn annoying.

To understand XIII-2 is to understand that Square Enix is making losses without end these years. Profits are shrinking rapidly, and the company seems even more focused than ever to throw out enough crap titles to even remotely stay in business while other studios they bought one day after the fusion of Squaresoft and Enix do the proper games that actually allow them to exist at all. Endless outsourcing takes its toll.

FFXIII-2 is full of things Square Enix did not do these past years. Pokemon, time travel, towns, proper NPCs, sidequests, hiphop and another cliche plot.
Okay, the last point is nothing new, we had cliche plots before. But seriously, they've thrown so much random crap into this game, they seem desperate to attract every single group of nintenyearolds there is.
They don't seem to have enough freedom for their projects to do something proper anymore. No time and money to risk a new engine, plot and characterdesign.

Seriously, at this point, they might just do the same they did to Final Fantasy Agito XIII/Type-0 to Versus XIII: Rename it.
Noel saves his future, gets back into the Versus XIII world. Voila, XIII-3.

Or the damn Valkyre Lightning isn't real Lightning, has no sister in that paradox and always has been guarding Etro. Of course, Vanilla and Fang will be forgotten as they don't exist in that Paradox without the real Lightning. Serah is gonna be heartbroken (again...) and will look for real Lightning throughout XIII-3, finally getting rid of the sucker Noel who now is in his Versus XIII future.

Serah will then travel the worlds of other Square Enix titles that failed to sell well or be critically acclaimed, and we'll go look for Type-0 Lightning, Aya Brea Lightning, Lightning Nurse and Lightning Owuhabunga in Nigeria. There has to be a reason they recycle their character models so damn often, right?

No, for real people, I'm done with this shit. I can't laugh about it anymore after typing this post.
Knowing Square Enix' recent failures, which pile up higher than the skulls for Khorne's Skull Throne, this is gonna be just another bad game yet good example why this company's ruin is well justified.

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